Diocesan Resources
The Role of Clergy in Marriage Preparation by Rev. Jay Biber (2006)
The Role of Clergy in Marriage Preparation by Rev. Jay Biber, Pastor, St. John the Apostle Parish, Richmond, Virginia
The involvement of clergy in marriage preparation has its own particular dimension. For many couples, marriage preparation is the first time that they have had any personal contact with a priest or deacon. Many engaged couples arrive more or less un-evangelized, and they lack an understanding of the great importance of marriage in the Church and society. Couples are often unaware not only of Church teaching about marriage, but even of the core notions of the Catholic faith and the basic expectations of Catholics. The participation of the priest or deacon in marriage preparation is a key chance to evaluate and set in place remedial actions to get the faithful on track and to begin to focus them on preparation for married life, as opposed to mere wedding preparation. In addition to the role of teacher, the pastor or deacon has a chance to involve the couple in the life of the parish during the period of marriage preparation. This is particularly successful if there is an in-parish team of couples trained to mentor the engaged couples and follow up with them in the first year or so of marriage. The priest or deacon can function not only as a gatekeeper, but also as the one to connect the engaged couple with other parishioners and ministries.
The priest’s or deacon’s involvement in marriage preparation does not only include his presence at programs. It also entails the development of parish-based ministries to deal with all the key elements of marriage preparation. Because good marriage preparation is time- consuming, and priests and deacons are often strapped for time, good development and leadership can assure quality, while allowing the priest or deacon to stay within his time constraints. The central role of the priest or deacon is to “sell” the engaged couple on the importance, to them and to the Church, of excellent marriage preparation. He can do this along the lines of the famous shampoo commercial, “because you’re worth it.” He can also do so by evaluating the lived experiences of the current generation (the high divorce rate and their experiences with friends and peers), and also by focusing on the Church’s desire for the couple’s happiness in marriage.